You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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