This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
