There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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