but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Found the puke drawer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
