Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
