It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
