When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
