2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
