your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
