wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
