Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
