that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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