The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Pooping to opera.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
