I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
