Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
