The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
