i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
