Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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