I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's always time for handjobs
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
