the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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