I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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