i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
