mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
