ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
nutella sex= disaster
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can feel your judgement through the phone
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
