Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
