i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
