Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
