If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
