I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
