One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
