is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
