his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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