You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
