i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
