dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Pappa wants mamma naked
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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