Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
