i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
