I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
