i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
