you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
