I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
