she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
