we're chasing vodka with high fives
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
