You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
