too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
