Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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