Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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