Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
