OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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