So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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