She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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