fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
