And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
