so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
