Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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