just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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