How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
