Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
