Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
