i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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