I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize