my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
please come you make the beer taste better
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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