Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
