I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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