im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
