my vag is so smooth its legendary
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Vodka?
Forever.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
