One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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