I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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