we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
