He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize