i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
