Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
