If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
