I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
