____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
