Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
