You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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