remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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